To work or not to . . . that was the question

It's hard to believe that a year ago today, I officially began my journey as a stay at home mom. My maternity leave began this day a year ago and even though I didn't know whether or not I would return to work, I had a feeling that my heart would lead me to stay home. But it wasn't official. What if Mason was colicky? What if we couldn't afford it? What about my career? I gave 7 years to the same company, and they were so good to me. I couldn't forget that, and my decision to stay home ended up being much more difficult than I could have ever imagined. But, as it turns out, Mason was a complete joy, we could actually afford it with some cuts to our current lifestyle (let's be honest here, A LOT of cuts). My job had changed dramatically, and Peter's job did as well. I couldn't wrap my head around 2 kids, a traveling husband, and a job that had become one of uncertainty. And thus I began my new job as a stay at home mom.

I have to admit that staying home is much more difficult than I had imagined. It's 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with very little breaks in between. There are no lunch breaks. No quick trips to Target. No grocery shopping by myself. There's no me time. We don't (read: can't) utilize babysitters anymore, which means very little Peter and me time. I could do without all of the diaper changes, teething, crying, and cleaning. I am not Suzie Homemaker. Never have been and I suspect never will be. But all of this pales in comparison to the joy that my kids bring to my life. As I am sure that Mason will be our last, I am so very grateful to be able see his first steps, feed him his first foods . . . enjoy all of the firsts that I missed with Maddie.

Do I miss working? Absolutely. Does this current economic environment make me nervous? Absolutely 10 times over. But for now, it works. And I love it.